♪ Fixed & Synced by bozxphd.Enjoy The Flick ♪
Hey, babe!
Hey, babe.
How are ya?
Good, how'd it go?
It was fine.
Boring, you know?
Not very exciting, but it was good.
So...
What's this thing you texted me about?
I don't wanna tell you.
What happened?
Okay, fine, I'm gonna
admit it, I'm gonna admit it.
You're gonna admit it?
Yeah.
Okay, I came home, here home.
Here home, uh huh.
I took a shower, and then for some
reason I threw the towel over the lamp.
Yeah?
Hi.
So I threw the towel over the lamp.
I heard ya.
And then I ordered some food and I ate
and I guess I fell asleep watching TV.
So when I wake up...
What happens when you wake up, babe?
The lamp and the towel on fire.
I swear to God, I mean there is
smoke everywhere, the fire alarm is going off
in the building, the fire department come.
Everyone's evacuated to the street.
What the...
I mean people in robes, women with
pimple cream on their face, babies crying
and they're super pissed off 'cause
it's freezing cold, and I know that
they know that I did it because this
super hot fireman is talking to me
making me look all guilty and shit.
Sexy fireman making you feel guilty?
Yeah, it was awful, I wanted to die.
I'm sorry about your lamp, it was so pretty.
Thanks, babe.
Yup.
Let me ask you, why are you always
at my place when I'm not here, huh?
Your spot's where it's at,
stop fucking with my building, babe.
I love it here, it's all cozy
and it smells like you.
Yeah?
It does smell like me.
It does.
For sure.
- Oh man... - So I was thinking...
What were you thinking?
That maybe we should live together.
David.
David!
You were saying?
What...
Nice!
It's nice in here.
Calming, it's very...
Very calming, I like it.
I like the brick.
Much better than the other thing at the other place.
Yeah, I'm happy with it.
Awesome, that's good.
How about them Knicks?
Unbelievable, huh?
It's crazy, right?
Have you seen any of their games recently?
No, no, I like tennis.
I got nothing, I really don't,
and I'm thirsty, so I'm gonna run down
and grab something to drink,
you want a Coke, anything?
David, we really shouldn't interrupt
the session, there's water in the cooler.
I wasn't actually thinking of water.
Well I can have my assistant
go down and get you something...
How about that bottle of bourbon right there
calling my name, how about we crack
that baby boy open, huh?
Come on.
Okay, okay, right, sorry.
So where were we?
Well I had asked you...
Our hour's almost up, right,
you must have new thoughts,
insights, right?
I like it better when you talk more than me.
So what's your call, Sean, crazy or not crazy?
Not crazy, right?
Actually, you walked in ten minutes ago.
I asked you a question nine minutes ago,
and you just sat there silent for those
nine minutes and then you made a
comment about my brick wall,
so yeah, maybe a little crazy.
Why don't you tell me what happened to you?
I gotta take these.
So ass beatings aside, you know
what really eats my fucking lunch?
People making their baggage my news,
Jen does that shit when she doesn't
have strange cock in her mouth.
You said you wanna know what's up this time,
so let me lay it out.
You going to yoga today?
Yeah, I have it at 11, what about you?
What are you doing today?
I got a shoot, just one.
All right, bagels?
I love how excited you get over bagels.
All right.
Everything with cream cheese.
I know, babe.
Bye.
Forgot my phone.
Shit, where'd I leave it?
Jen?
Have you seen my, have you
seen my phone anywhere?
No.
No?
Oh my God.
Are you serious?
What are you thinking,
what are you doing, huh?
I wasn't doing anything.
You weren't doing anything?
No?
You're going through my phone,
why would you do that?
I was just using yours to
look something up real quick, David.
Was that all you were doing?
Yeah?
Give me a break.
Hey, hey, stay away from my shit,
I don't fuck with yours!
I wasn't in your shit!
Jesus, you're such a fucking crybaby,
I can't even talk to you anymore.
All you can do is find other people's shit to go through, huh?
Fuck yourself!
Good, good good, I will, one
less fucking thing for you to
do, where's my fucking camera?
Don't be here when I get
back, fucking asshole!
Don't worry, I won't be!
Who are you talking about?
She doesn't do anything with Sophie,
she's a jackhammer, Chris.
I know, but I mean she's
been like that since you met her, what...
She's a child, dude.
That's what she is.
She talked shit about what I read
meanwhile she carries an US Weekly
with her everywhere she goes.
I hear you, I hear you.
And she can do and say
just enough to injure you where you
can still walk, but with a limp,
you know what I'm saying, man?
No, I know, I know.
Fucking sick of it, dude.
Sick of it, you hear me?
I don't know what's gotten into her.
I really don't.
She's got no reason to suspect anything
and there she is digging through my shit.
I know, but I mean...
David?
Hey, you there?
David?
She'll be back, just use the time
to lay your words out nice and tight.
You turn into a fucking human
speech impediment around her sometimes.
Yeah, yes, what?!
David!
They've been trying you at the offices,
they've been trying your phone,
I've been trying your phone.
Trisha, I'm telling you right now
I can't deal with one of your
fucking rants, seriously, not right now.
Your interview, you big baby, Flair Magazine!
God, I knew you'd forget!
You left him waiting for over an...
I'm having a fucking crisis here, okay?!
A crisis of conscience, of fucking indignity!
Get back to the hotel at six tonight, he'll be there.
Get this right, David.
Fine, fine, hey, Trisha, hold on.
Have him meet me at the bar instead, okay?
Okay, listen, mention me when
you talk about the exhibit!
Goodbye, goodbye, Trisha.
Excuse me.
It's amazing what you pick up
when you look at things this way.
When you look at things in stereo.
See everything, see the whole mix.
Like the car stereo test musicians do
after recording an album.
They hear it in a new way.
Get outside the little bubble
you've created for yourself.
You notice little thing you've
never noticed before.
Look at her in those heels.
Half the thrill of this is the hope
of actually discovering an infidelity.
Having something to whore over this
infant I'm hoping will provide a
one sided satisfaction in this
deeply unsatisfying relationship.
My uncle Carlo was a private eye.
Told me the best way to successfully follow
someone you know without being discovered.
Simple.
Correctly guess their destination,
and then get there first.
Except she's totally unpredictable,
I fucking love that about her.
And who knows from common sense.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, man.
Hey.
It's cool.
She just walked in and said she had to...
Clear her head and shit.
You know how she gets.
Good, man, good, okay.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah yeah, I am now, definitely.
Thank you for...
For talking earlier.
I was just a little nuts.
I'll call you later.
Thanks.
No, don't thank me.
You don't have to thank me for talking to you, man.
I know, I just...
You know what I mean.
All right, man.
All right.
We'll talk later.
(jazz music0.
Everyone has their thing.
None of us is perfect.
We're all fucked up, you know?
I mean we're all severely fucked up.
Lisa, you ever read a book called Blameless?
No, what's it about?
American can't stop bitching
about their freedoms, right?
Give us back our freedoms and what not.
So our government says all right,
that's a wrap, shuts down, goes home,
peace out, have your fucking
freedom back, assholes, and watch what happens.
It's a pig fuck.
Everyone starts bitching they
need their government again.
Grass is always greener, right?
Yeah, something like that.
What time is it?
Three o'clock.
Back in the day as a kid?
That was the best, right?
Remember that feeling?
Bell rings, school was out.
Hang out with your boys,
make out with your girl.
Everything was so uncomplicated back then.
I miss that, I really really do.
He's an asshole, what can I say?
How do you deal with it?
Dude, I've got much hidden, you know
my fucking wife's texting me everywhere I go.
What?
Why is...
No, see, I'm thinking it's something
like P.I. shit too, right?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You think she's...
Yeah, I think she's got somebody,
yeah, she's got... Why?
What the fuck?
Thank you.
Hey, come on!
Point your camera somewhere else, guy, all right?
Sorry, sorry, I was just taking...
No, I got your number, shit-head!
Okay, you can go back and tell
my wife there's nothing wrong with
two guys having a drink in the
afternoon, okay?!
Fucking douchebag.
By wrong you mean gay?
Come on, let it fly, man, let it fly.
Are you playing with me, asshole?
Relax, take it easy, I'm not,
you think I'm tailing you, I'm not.
I'm really not, honestly.
I mean he may be tailing ya, but I'm not.
What?!
What, 'cause I wear cologne, I'm a fag?
Is that it? I did not say that!
Yeah yeah yeah, whatever.
No no no, now just shut up for a second,
yeah, is it because I'm here with
this well dressed man?
You said plenty, friend.
Okay, you know what, I don't
know what just happened here, I really don't,
but have another one on me, okay?
All right, truce?
We're gonna be friends today, good.
What are they drinking?
Cosmopolitans.
I don't know why you can't just,
you know what I'm saying, be yourself, right?
What did you say?!
Hey, hey hey!
Ah, fuck!
Okay, so that explains a few things.
'Cause you mouthed off, you took a beating.
Why do you think you did that?
I don't know.
You think that she's cheating on you?
I know she is.
I'm positive of it.
I'm also into this new photography project.
Everything else I do is shit, this
might be too, but I'm into it regardless
of my own personal safety net withstanding.
You wanna talk about that?
You still love your wife?
Yes I do.
Honestly?
Oh, you mean honestly.
Then no.
I'm saying one person can
never satisfy all the needs, impulses,
whatever you wanna call them of
another at any given time.
Well these things go in...
Yeah yeah yeah, I get it, everything
goes through its phases, its cycles,
I get that, I do.
Early in a thing, it's fun, sexy, hot, right?
Then later it's cozy.
But then what happens when you
go through a phase of wanting
something new, what happens then?
Like I said, David... It's too much!
It's too much for one person,
too much responsibility, it is.
And I get bored too fucking easy, Sean.
What does that tell you?
What does that tell me?
Nothing.
Nothing new.
Everything gets boring eventually,
that's what it tells me.
Okay, come on, what else?
You come on.
Come on!
You come on, you come on,
just tell me what to do, Sean!
Can you do that for me please?
I'm asking you, just tell me what to do,
say the one thing out loud that
I should do, how hard is that...
Well for one, David, that's not my job.
But to your point, yes, people do change,
but that doesn't mean that suddenly
the person you're with is no longer right for you, I...
How old are you now, Sean?
I'm 51.
51, and you got married in your
mid-twenties, right?
Sure, when I was 26.
And you had kids right away?
Yeah, but you're not...
You were ready for all that at 26, were you?
Look, I don't think anyone's ready...
You were manipulated into it
just a little bit, right?
Seriously.
I don't think manipulation is the right word,
I ask the questions, all right?
All right.
But in fairness, your environment does
influence your decisions to a degree.
Listen, people want answers now.
Now now now, like you.
Right, I pay you for that, answers,
'cause I tend to make more questions
for myself than anything.
Well let's talk about that.
You say she's cheating on you.
What question does that pose?
Question of why perhaps?
Why him?
What are you doing?
Clean sheets.
You gonna stay here?
It's early.
Chris, no, I'm not staying, relax.
Hey, man.
Hey, it's cool.
She just walked in, said she had to...
Clear her head and shit.
You know how she gets.
Good, man, good, okay.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah yeah, I am now.
Definitely, thank you for...
For talking earlier.
I was just a little nuts.
Anyway, thanks.
No, don't thank me.
You don't have to thank me for talking to you, man.
I know, I just...
You know what I mean.
All right, man.
All right.
We'll talk later.
Was that... Your boyfriend.
Yes it was.
Your best friend?
Oh man, that is fucked up.
Listen, it's a bad beat, man.
It is a bad beat, she's just not right for you.
David, would you please put
that cigarette out?
There's this story or fable,
whatever it is, anyway, cold and rainy night,
guy's walking alone down the street
drenched, shivering, miserable,
he walks by this house, sees this warm glow
coming from inside, a nice fireplace,
all these couples and they're
having a nice dinner party.
Guy thinking man, that looks so nice.
I wish I was in there with someone special.
Only all the guys inside are going
where's my jacket, I gotta get the fuck out of here.
That's funny.
The worst part about
all this, Sean, is knowing 'cause
they didn't need to know.
I mean this is probably gonna go
nowhere anyway, but now, see now,
I know she's been fucking my best friend,
then coming home to me and chilling
on my nice mattress that I bought for her.
I love that mattress, Sean, and now
I gotta move out and I don't wanna
move that fucking thing much as I love it,
it's a fifth floor walk up with a busted
ass freight elevator.
You'll get new furniture, David.
And you know what makes me
wanna rip my fucking face off?!
I never even loved her.
I didn't, but this time, this time I said
I'm gonna be the good boyfriend, do it right.
But this happened, I jumped into
this right after Brenda.
Brenda.
Yes?
I ran into her today.
You ran into Brenda where?
Just now, across the street.
She's working a job nearby.
She's so talented, I love that about her.
She's amazing.
Well the thing was Brenda was
you felt that she was trying to
take you apart little by little.
Yeah, yeah, less time for me,
for what I wanted, so I bailed.
I freaked out.
Now with this one I'm popping.
Valium like they're breath mints.
What?
Wait, I didn't give you, I didn't
give you Valium, David!
How does anybody stay together, Sean?
Tell me that.
Look, it's a process.
There's this thing that changes in each
of us when the time is right.
And it's work, commitment, and conscious choice,
that is my partner.
Only way to know if it's right is
if you're both 90 years old
and you're still together.
Sounds like a party.
Anyway, I gotta go.
Meeting the prick for drinks.
What, you're meeting Chris for drinks?
Yeah yeah, I have an interview,
and then he's meeting me after.
Well then clearly you're not as
affected by this as you've been letting on.
Oh no no, I'm affected.
I'm just gonna have a little
fun with it while I can.
You can face him?
Sean, I've known the guy 30 years,
I've known Jen a little less than a year.
Even if he is a total piece of shit,
I'm not lighting up a lifelong friendship over her.
Out of sheer spite, I won't do it,
it's not gonna happen.
David, you take it easy, okay?
Yup, yup, I know, you gotta
roll with it, it's a process, I get it, Sean.
I...
I might call you later if I find
my girlfriend with another man's
cock in her ass, I might need
to talk, if you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
Awesome, thanks, Sean!
Thank you, David, you take it easy now.
You too!
Hey, 7:30, you still on?
Yeah, where are you now?
I was just thinking I might...
I might have to bail.
Leave instructions, I need
a drink with a friend.
Yeah, all right, okay, man, I'll...
I'll see you there.
What did he say?
Are you gonna do something with him?
Yeah, I am, look, would you...
Just do me a favor?
Don't be here while I'm with him,
it just puts me on edge.
I'm leaving in a few minutes, Chris,
don't be such a woman.
Your early work has been
more portraiture, more investigative,
is that a fair statement?
You know, to be honest, up to now
there's been nothing remotely overwhelming
or untrotted or even gratifying
for that matter about my work.
I fucking hate it.
It's advertising, it sucks.
This stuff though, that I'm into now,
is something I thought up very recently.
It's still in progress.
You know, you caught me at a really
weird time where pretty much
everything annoys me, so my hope
is that the stuff I'm doing now
is deliberate and visceral, something real
and raw and honest, not faked
and photoshopped and a lie.
A big lie.
So what's the new work?
I fuck with people.
Provoke them in any number of ways
until it pisses them off enough
and then I shoot whatever
comes up, whatever it is.
Sometimes it's an argument, sometimes
I get my ass beat, you never know.
Somehow put together though, I think
it'll make a nice, cohesive sum
from its random parts.
I hope.
Yeah.
Man, whatever, if that doesn't
grab you, come anyway.
Free booze, right?
So what happened to your face?
Come to the show, one of my faves.
[Voiceover} All right.
Thanks so much, man.
Hey, what's up, chris.
Thank you, we'll be in touch.
Thanks so much, man!
What's going on?
Oh, yeah.
You like blowing yourself up
every couple of years, don't you?
Yeah, yeah... Jesus, look at you.
You know what I was thinking about today?
Remember 4th grade?
Ms. Vega's class?
You and I were always the first
ones to get our assignments done.
Yeah, yeah, and we'd go up to her desk...
To her desk, yeah yeah yeah, give
the assignments for Tuesday, Wednesday,
the whole week.
Yeah, by Wednesday we'd be done
with the whole week and just fucked off all day.
Yeah, right.
You couldn't stand it anytime
I beat you, remember that?
I remember that.
You couldn't either though.
A long time ago.
So...
Who put it to you?
Some wildflowers I ran into earlier, no big deal.
What happened?
I felt like fucking with someone
and I got dealt with, Chris, that's what happened.
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
A shrink?
Memory lane?
Getting lit and picking fights,
what's going on?
You're about to have a fucking exhibition
of your work.
Doing interviews.
Things are good.
Yeah, they are.
All right, whatever.
You're fucked up.
And I gotta piss.
All right, I'll be here.
God!
Motherfucker!
Gah...
So... The fuck happened to you?
I slipped.
I caught the sink on the way down.
Yeah, I slipped too.
Anyway, what else?
How's Jen?
You know.
Know what, I mean...
I know what you told me.
Going through my shit, what's that about?
Yeah, it's grounds
for termination right there.
It's the shit people do when
they don't actually trust themselves, you know?
Yeah, yeah, it might be.
Yeah, you know, maybe
I should go looking through her shit,
not like I don't have reason to, right?
Yeah.
You know...
Don't go into her level, I mean...
She's the one to blame, you don't wanna
go down digging in the dirt with her, do you?
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right, maybe I won't.
Maybe I will.
Who knows, we'll see.
Yeah, it is what it is, you know?
I mean she brought this on herself, right?
She made her bed.
She's gotta lie in it.
Wow, you burning through
cliches these days, Chris?
Well at the end of the day,
when it's all said and done, and the dust settles...
A rose by any other name.
When life gives you lemons...
Let the chips fall where they may.
Officer, can I ask you a question?
What's up?
There's always, every time I go
to Penn Station there's guys out
there with assault rifles, AK-47s, police officers,
don't you think...
What are you talking about, who's, where?
Police officers outside of Penn Station,
don't you think that's a big much
with AK-47s in this day and age?
What, are you making a joke...
I'm gonna kill you for making me run, come here!
Shit.
Hey.
What's up?
Hang tight.
Just hold tight one second.
What's going on?
Shit!
All right, I'm gonna need ya to bail me out.
Sorry, Officer.
- Don't move, don't move. - Sorry, sorry,
I'm not moving, sorry about that.
In the back.
In the back, in the back, in the back,
in the back of this.
Ow!
Okay, gentle, gentle, gentle, man!
Fucking took long enough.
You fucking kidding me?
What?
Assaulting a police officer?
You should be in here 'till next year.
Whatever.
You're lucky you know me,
you fucking maniac.
Got the shot, bro.
All that matters.
Yeah!
All right, man, I'm out.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm good man, definitely.
You sure?
Slow down, man, you're on tilt.
See you soon.
Sounds good.
Hey.
Jesus, David, what... I'm fine.
I'm fine, don't touch me please.
Go back to sleep.
What... Just go, Jen.
Go back to sleep.
I can't sleep now, look at you.
I'm fine.
Sorry.
I fucked up.
I invaded your privacy and I'll
never do it again, I promise.
Just please don't leave me.
It's just one of those things, you know?
I mean the writers are sweethearts,
but even the sweetest writers in
Hollywood can be bitter,
spineless, jealous children.
I was just trying to make it better.
I thought you did.
Thank you.
I know it was a dumb TV show.
They aren't saving the world or anything,
there are more important things than...
Bad dialogue and stupid story lines.
I just was too vocal about my opinions
and rather than take constructive criticism
they just decided to shut the new girl out.
I'm fine, right?
You're better than fine, you're brilliant!
Thanks.
These people take these things
way too seriously, who's that?
She new?
Yeah, Paula.
She's on Across Time.
It's not a bad show actually.
Is she going up?
Yeah.
Anyway, I mean you, you could
develop something for yourself
now probably, right?
I mean that really is the benefit
of having had your own show.
Walk into any network and get something going.
Yeah, yeah, well you know, I
get offers all the time, you know?
And interviews with NBC, Fox, CBS,
everything, I just, there's not
really that much I'm interested in.
Is she going up now?
I think so.
I don't want you think I'm being...
I don't know, it's just...
You're the only person I've ever known
that can inspire me and make my
skin crawl in the same 60 seconds.
I don't know how you do it.
Hello?
Hey Brenda, how ya doing?
Listen, I gotta take back the place.
What?!
Sorry.
Yeah, well I told you
you can have it until the owners
decided they wanted to do
something with it, and they decided.
Sorry, kid.
No no, wait, you said that would
probably never happen.
That's why I said probably, see?
Oh my God, this is the worst.
You're just kicking me out!
End of the month.
Oh, listen, I gotta go, okay?
I'll call you later.
Fuck me.
I don't know how that's possible, but...
You can do that.
And I don't know why I can't
cut loose from you.
Don't you see?
That every time you look at me I cringe.
And every time you walk away
from me, I chase you and I
will fucking kill your family!
And I will dance on their corpses!
Would that even elicit the slightest
reaction from you, you heartless swine?!
Hey, Laurie?
I need you, can you meet me?
Yeah, yeah, could you just
meet me at Rona in like an hour?
Okay, thanks.
How's your day going?
Hey, could I get a waitress over here,
the service takes forever.
Thank you.
Give it to me.
Don't bark orders.
Give it to me.
Hey!
Let me preface this by telling you
a little something so you just don't
blurt out the hurtful shit you love to say, okay?
Preface away, John.
Now you have to understand something,
I brought you the talk show host gig,
you flicked a lit cigarette at me.
Oh come on, you know better
to have bring me that mess.
I should have fucking known better.
That's right, you should know
better, what'd you think I was gonna do?
Hi, could I have another chai tea latte please?
Thank you, you're great, and
whatever this viper wants.
Just a coffee please.
Excuse me.
You're a very attractive young lady,
you're an actress perhaps?
Yeah, yes, I am, why?
Just permit me to do this a sec.
I'm sorry, what's your name?
Marnie.
Marnie!
Oh wow, if ever a name begged
to be up in lights, it's Marnie.
Okay, so Marnie, you're a struggling young actress,
and I come to you with an offer to
host a network television show
of some kind, a dating show, say a
competition dating show.
Uh huh.
Would you take that job?
Are you offering me a job?
No.
Are you offering to be my agent?
No, I'm just posing a hypothetical,
okay, thank you, Marnie, thank you
very much, that's nice. That was good.
How'd that feel?
Yeah, she reminded me of
you when I first laid eyes.
Okay, so now just, can you listen
to me for a second, I've got a bone to pick with you.
I don't care.
I really don't care, I'm already
in a really pissy mood, and all
I hear from you is I can't,
I can't, I can't, I can't, do your fucking job!
I need my career back, for Christ's sake!
I don't know, maybe we need to
rethink our approach, or...
I'm trying to get you to rethink your approach.
No no no, I will not host
a fucking reality TV show, that shit
come in, I don't care what it pays,
do not tell me about it!
It is career suicide, John, and you know that.
No it's not, Brenda!
You wanna know what's suicide?
Your fucking drinking and your...
Your fucking tardiness and your
mouthy bullshit, oh, and enlightening
the show-runner about his lack of
personal hygiene in front of everyone
was just beautiful, pumpkin!
You know what, I am fucking tired of this conversation!
No no no, do your job!
Do your job.
I did good for that show,
and I did good for that
cocksucker, and you know it!
Good, yeah, that's real good, Brenda.
Let me just explain something else
to you, okay, sweetie?
You are not that good, okay?
Jesus Christ, you're a dime a dozen
to everyone else but yourself,
what else do you need to
get that through your head?!
Okay, Jesus, take your fucking pills.
I don't take pills!
Marnie?
Yes?
Hi, have you ever been with
a star of a hit TV show?
Really?
No.
No?
No.
Bitch.
What's the point?
You know what, just shut up, just shut up,
just show me what we got.
Here.
The CW.
I'm way too fucking tall, I'm way
too fucking old, the CW?
This is what's coming in for you,
that is what...
Oh my God, John, I just wanna
quit these attempts at some type
of creative career.
What creative lighting? I'm an agent!
Yeah, who am I talking to?
My friend is here, so you have to go.
Okay, thank you very much, Debra Winger.
I will see you soon.
Work harder.
All right, sweetheart, I love you.
Love you.
- Hi, how are you? - Hi.
What's up, you had me all worried.
Yeah...
Oh my God, I knew I recognized
you, holy shit!
Brenda Schiffer, I served you
coffee and called you a bitch,
isn't that fucked up?!
But I gotta tell you I
loved you on The Small Things,
it was my favorite show.
And I can't believe they did
that to you in the finale.
I mean I get it, it was a great episode
and everything, but you were my favorite one.
I mean I get that it was a story arc
and all that, but why you, do
you know what I'm saying?
Why me indeed.
Yeah, exactly, I mean
they're always killing off the bitch first
and it's so predictable, I'm like...
So we're having a conversation, so...
Oh, oh, oh my gosh, duh, I'm sorry.
Would you mind if I just grabbed
a quick pic?
Yeah, sure, just come on down.
Say bitches got first!
What?
Thank you so much.
Yup, you got it.
You still got it... Shut up, shut up.
Okay, so I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Kevin's kicking me out.
What?
Yeah, he pulled a favor for me at that place,
so I gotta be out in two weeks.
Can I stay with you?
I won't stay long.
Shit.
Listen, I would love that, but
it's been three months since Paul moved in,
do you really wanna be in there
on the couch with us?
Coupling and stuff? No, I don't.
Oh my God, I can't believe
this is happening to me.
Can't you stay with Edward?
Oh my God, are you kidding?
Do you remember how well that
worked out for me last time?
Wait, come on, this is temporary.
You went full on nutty with David.
"Hey, let's move in together,"
this isn't that.
Edward's cool.
Yeah.
See, the problem is that if
I ask him, he's gonna say yes.
How fucked up am I?
Don't answer that.
And I have to go end this perfect
day on a shitty audition, so I'm gonna go.
Okay, hi, Brenda.
Hey.
How you doing?
Living the dream.
Great, love it!
We think you're wonderful, really.
Thank you.
All right, so let's try out
number two there on your pages first.
Okay, then we'll go on to number five.
And slate please.
Hi, my name is Brenda Schiffer.
And profile.
Whenever you're ready.
Okay, let's just look at this,
blah blah blah blah, dog shit, bullshit,
let's just knock this out, geniuses.
What the fuck, right?
Unfortunately, most people who have
genital herpes do not realize it
because they never have symptoms.
Or they do not recognize any
symptoms they may presently have.
Symptoms may differ in each person,
and when a person becomes infected
with herpes for the first time,
the symptoms will usually appear within 10 days.
Continue?
Yes, the entire copy please.
Uh huh, may I ask why?
We just need more.
Is something wrong?
Nope, nope, just don't know
why you need the whole copy
read, that's all, but okay.
These first episodes of symptoms
generally last two to three weeks.
Early symptoms of a genital herpes
outbreak include...
Oh fuck me!
What is it now, Ms. Schiffer?
Nothing, I'm fine.
Okay, here we go!
Itching or burning feeling in the
genital or anal area, pain in the legs,
buttocks, or genital area, discharge
of fluid in the vagina, feeling of...
Feeling of... Honestly?
Does this fit in a 30 second ad?
Move on.
It's a commercial, Ray, not fucking Shakespeare.
Okay, move on to number five now, Brenda.
Please do it.
Jesus Christ.
Whenever you're ready!
- Hi! - Hey.
Brenda...
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. - Are you okay?
Are you all right?
Yeah, God, hi.
Hi, hi.
How are ya, you okay?
A rough, rough day.
I'm sorry, that sucks.
It's okay.
God, I haven't seen you since...
I don't know, since Chris' birthday
I guess, like seven or eight
months, its been awhile.
What happened to your face?
Well you know, I stuck
my nose in someone else's business.
Defending the honor of a lady
in distress though, then pow,
sucker punch outta nowhere, just...
Wow, that chivalry.
Yeah, big time, big time.
I love your show by the way,
I do, it's awesome, I listen to it every week.
Thanks, it's...
It's all right.
So can I, can I see you?
Can I take these off?
You look great.
Thanks.
So you good?
Other than spontaneous crying
on a cold, dreary day?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Stupid.
How are you?
I'm good, I'm good, yeah, I'm good.
How's Jennifer?
Fucked up story.
A lot of fucked up stories going around.
Where you headed?
A shrink.
Wow, wow.
Working it out, good for you.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, it's good seeing you.
Weird.
It's weird, but good.
Weird and good to see you too.
We should do it again sometime soon.
All right, bye.
Hey!
I got a show going up finally.
Oh that's great!
Trisha set it up.
You should come.
Yeah, sure.
Really, please come, I don't
know what the fuck to expect.
I need some friendly faces,
it would mean a lot if you came.
Yeah, you know, I'll come, just
send an invite or whatever.
Oh, that's what this is,
this is your invite right here and now,
I just officially invited you.
All right, well I'll come.
Wherever it is in the world, I'll be there.
Sorry, you mean with the
time and place and all that,
yeah, I'll e-mail you that.
Okay.
All right, good to see you.
You too!
Here we go again everyone,
this is No B.S. and I am your
fearless leader Brenda Schiffer.
Great, now that we got that business
out of the way, let's talk about...
Let's talk about matters of the day,
current events.
You know, fuck that, I wanna talk
about me 'cause I can feel you out there.
Matter of fact, I can see you out there
with all this social media, I mean the
fucking social media, the Instagramming,
the tweeting, the chirping, the annoying,
tendering little shits that you are,
you know who you are, yes you!
I had a day, man I had a day.
I hate young, tiny, talented little
actresses in my acting class.
I found out today that I'm gonna
get kicked out of my apartment in two weeks,
and my best friend boned me out of
staying with her because she's got
this perfect little life and this
perfectly moved in new boyfriend.
My agent can suck it!
I had an amazing audition...
For an STD commercial, and then to
top it off I run into my ex-boyfriend
who's doing great by the way and
I weep on his shoulder.
Buckle up, motherfuckers,
it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
It's not even
a thing, don't worry about it.
I gotta get my luggage out of
your storage dump before you
completely move out of here.
Either way, you can stay with
me as long as you need to.
What?
No, it's... Oh my God, it's so nice of you.
I just...
I'm just really surprised that
you're not acting completely
terrified that I asked you that.
Terrified?
Come on.
I'm just saying don't make finding
a place by the end of the month
something to worry about, okay?
You got one.
Okay.
Thank you.
But don't you think it's weird just
because, I don't know, we haven't
really been dating that long, that's all.
Yeah, well look, it's something
that came up, right?
I'm just saying you're covered if you
get to the point where you're
gonna be homeless, Brenda.
Jesus, I just stepped into
some crazy, didn't I?
No.
Hey, go get a hotel room,
I don't want you here!
No, no!
You're not staying with me.
You would never do that to me.
You're out on the street, forget it.
No, no...
Oh great, yeah, now you wanna kiss me
with cereal on your chin, huh?
I thought maybe I'd bird-feed you.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Hey. This is David, leave a message.
Hey, it's Trisha.
Listen, a couple things.
For Friday, I want you to come to play
'cause I'm bringing some players.
And leave the self loathing pills
at home please.
And also, would it fucking kill you
not to wear those goddamn soccer shoes one night?
Thank you!
Also, yeah, let me know if you're
gonna take that apartment, I gotta
show the place if it's not
gonna work out for you.
Yeah, the other thing, I was just at the gallery
and the photos on the wall were not
the photos we agreed on, my dear,
so what the hell are these photos?
Call me.
Hey, where are you?
Did you have a shoot today?
I wanted to take you to breakfast,
call me back.
I wanted to talk to you, I know
you're upset about the whole phone thing, babe.
I wanted to make it up to you.
I hope you're not...
Anyway, also, where's the espresso machine?
David, call me back.
Fuck!
Fucker!
You took that place just in time.
You all moved in?
Not even close.
Of course.
By the way, the place is amazing,
it's beautiful, but can I actually
afford it, Trisha, honestly?
It's in your range.
Barely.
Don't worry about it, I made a deal
with the owner, I gave him a few pieces he likes.
Awesome, thank you.
After tonight though, you'll
probably be able to afford it for a year.
Yeah, people are circling.
You really managed to poke
everybody in the eye with this stuff,
David, so nice going.
Smoke and mirrors, Trisha.
Smoke and mirrors.
Right.
See how being an asshole to
people did pay off.
Indeed.
About time I finally
made you some money though, right?
So...
What'd she do?
Tell me how you just up
and left after a fight.
Well in her case, I was
definitely not the asshole, not at all.
Huh.
Well you got the picture.
It's a great shot.
She's fucking somebody else.
What?
Yeah, she's fucking somebody else.
David, she is an emotional
eight year old, and you knew that going in,
but she's young and she's hot,
and you're a man.
No...
She said she loves you.
Yeah.
Yeah, what are you gonna do?
I am gonna drink, and then
I'm gonna mingle for a little bit.
Right on.
Or maybe not, I'm not feeling
very confident at the moment,
sorta rattled, so maybe I'll just sit here.
God, honey, do you have any idea
how many women in this room
will go out with you tonight?
How many?
Ugh, I'm so bored.
Why do they serve wine at something like this?
Just makes you wanna dance and have fun.
All there is to do is look at these pictures.
You look so funny in the one of you at the bar.
What's wrong?
Why don't you spend some time with your boyfriend?
Instead of acting like a sorority girl.
Mind your fucking distance.
Hi.
Do you...
Like the...
The photography?
Yeah, I do, I like the photography.
Do you?
Hmmm.
I must say, I find the work to be very...
Troubled.
You must say.
Troubled.
I think troubled's an understatement.
My name's Greg.
Brenda.
It's a sexy name.
Something funny? I'm sorry, no, I just...
Do you come here often?
Oh, I'm...
Sorry, I just always wanted to say that.
What do you do, Greg?
Oh, I'm in a...
I have to go spy on someone.
Hi.
Yo.
What up?
One hour.
You made it.
Oh my God, let's get out of here.
Go where?
Come here, come here.
How much longer do I have to
stand around and watch people
talk about my work?
Just a little while longer at least, David, please.
Okay.
Hey, oh my God, look at this.
The barb beating them off with a stick.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I think my head might pop off
my fucking neck, so catch it
if it does, can you do that for me?
Yeah, I'll catch your head.
Awesome.
Hey, how are you, it's been awhile.
Yeah.
How you doing?
Good, yeah.
Hey.
Oh my God.
Hi.
I didn't wanna interrupt, you know?
I just wanted to say I'm proud of you, babe.
And I hope that we could talk
about everything.
What's up?
Hey, I think we're getting ready to go.
Getting ready to go where?
We're going to dinner, right?
Oh, I didn't know.
That's because I didn't invite ya,
that's why you didn't know, and
so don't make a scene please.
That's just fucking rude.
Hey, I... Don't touch me, David.
Okay, okay, okay.
God, fuck you!
Bullshit!
She just cannot help herself, can she?
You're not going after her?
I'm not what?
Not gonna go after her?
I, Chris, why don't you go after her,
why you even ask me that?
- Hey. - What?
What the hell are you doing?
We haven't hung out in awhile,
why don't you just let her sober
up, she'll be fine, okay?
Yeah, perfect, I'm good.
Awesome, let's go have a good time.
Hey, Pam, how are ya.
You look beautiful by the way.
Well the hell is going on with you two?
That's what I wanna know.
Comes and goes.
It's good to see you, babe.
You're like a lovely ray of moonlight.
Bouncing around in the dark,
choppy fucking polluted shark infested
waters of the Atlantic.
Wow!
Hey.
What's up, bro?
How are you?
Let's go grab a drink.
Yeah, I'll be back in a couple minutes.
See, my best friend had an aunt in Hawaii, too.
Oh really?
I'll be right back.
Hey.
I'm just sitting here thinking.
That's good.
I mean I didn't really ask you,
but thank you for letting me know.
How are you, David?
Ah, you know, my girlfriend's
fucking my best friend, how are you, Brenda?
What?!
Are you... Seriously, so good.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah.
I don't want, you know what, how about you?
Let's not talk about me.
You got a boyfriend now, right?
- No, not at all. - - You don't?
Right.
Why didn't you bring him?
I didn't want to, no...
So Chris is fucking Jen?
Yeah.
And you're just hanging out
like everything's fine?
You sound like my shrink now.
Wow.
And you and Jen are working it out?
Does it look like we're working it out, Brenda?
You just called her your girlfriend.
Did I?
Yeah, you did.
No, no, we're not working it out.
Anyway, they don't know that I know what I know.
I think they suspect, but I'm gonna
let it ride for a little bit, watch them squirm.
Oh my God.
That sounds fun.
What I did do is move the fuck
out in record time.
You lived together.
Wow.
Yeah, but it wasn't...
I'm sorry.
You don't have to be sorry,
come on, that's ancient history, it's all good.
Speaking of which...
My current living situation...
Yeah?
I have this amazing month to month
great deal, except there's a slight chance
that they might take it away from me.
And of course they took it away from me.
- That sucks. - Yeah.
So where are you...
I don't know, I don't know.
I may stay with Laurie.
Uh huh, Laurie.
I may have to ask the dude,
but I really don't want to.
There's no way I'm gonna find a
place before I have to move out,
so I don't know.
I don't know.
Stay with me.
What?
Excuse me?
At my new, big, empty, lonely, fancy place.
Seriously, I have two extra rooms, it's huge.
Ask Trisha, she's the one that set it up for me.
I can't use all that fucking space,
I don't know what to do with it.
What's that?
What, what's that look?
No, no, I'm gonna stay with Laurie.
I think that's a better idea.
I'm saying move on, not just
crash for awhile, make it your own.
Just pay whatever you paid at your old place.
David...
Brenda.
What about all my stuff?
Your stuff?
Yeah.
Bring it, bring it, bring all that, I got nothing,
literally nothing, it's like a luxury jail cell there.
Just, just come look at it.
No pressure.
Plus, I don't know, I...
I miss the laughs we had.
Remember?
We could use some laughs, right?
Just come take a look at it.
When?
Now.
Come on.
Right?
Let's go.
I don't know if I trust you.
You don't trust me?
- I'll see you? - Yes.
I'll see you, bye, bye you guys.
Hey man.
I'm proud of you, brother.
Thanks.
Bye.
Nice to meet you.
Oh my God, I can't believe
that fucking cocksucker.
Fucking dick.
So...
All right, I'm leaving...
Fine fine fine, fine, shit, I'll, yes,
I will come and see your place.
Hey.
Hold on one second, do you mind?
Thank you so much, thank you.
Oh my God.
Oh my God!
What are you doing here?
That's not what I wanted to hear, David,
I've been here over an hour.
I don't actually care what you want
to hear, I really don't, so do me a favor,
do me a favor, don't make a big deal, this...
You know what, don't touch me!
All right, all right.
Brenda, what are you doing here?!
I just came to see the house.
Listen to me, I'm asking you,
I'm trying to be nice, I am, I'm
trying to be nice, just go home, okay?
Just go home, you fucked up.
Oh I fucked up?!
Yes, yes, you fucked up.
Jesus, I said I'm sorry, David!
Shh, Jen, stop, okay?!
We're done!
Get in the fucking cab!
No, we're not done!
Listen to me, David, you're
not breaking up with me!
I had my reasons for getting upset
and baby, I was drinking...
I don't care, okay, you can have
your place, your wine, your fucking
awful taste, your time. You can have it all back!
I don't want it!
Just stay the fuck away from me!
Don't fucking talk to me like that!
Jen, you fucking child... I'm not going...
Why are you here, Jen?!
Think for one moment why you're here
and you might realize how little
you actually give a shit!
Fuck you, David, you're not breaking up with me.
Oh my, you, you're fucking, you're crazy,
you're crazy, I just did.
It's done, it's over, how hard
is that to understand?
Are you fucking somebody else?
Oh my God, are you, this is...
Are you?
That's funny, Jen, that's really funny.
Are you, is it her?!
Stop!
Okay?!
Get in the cab, Jen.
Go home.
I'm very sorry, take this, I don't
think she'll pay you though, thank you;.
Oh wow!
Am I fucking someone?
Does sleeping with a schizophrenic count, you think?
I don't know how to help you here.
Ah, shit.
I don't know about this yellow.
You'll be all right, Schiffer.
Will I?
Yeah yeah, of course you will.
Of course you will, in a larger global
sense I'm actually not sure.
But you need a place to stay, right?
Things might get weird, you know,
but I'll tell you what, we'll put it in writing.
No weird shit.
What do you say?
Right?
Do you remember when I was the
one that was saying we should live together?
Yeah, yeah, I do, I do.
Nothing more certain to ruin a good
relationship than moving in together, right?
Yeah, I don't know, I think
this is probably just...
Hey hey hey, yo, hold the crazy, okay?
Just for a little bit.
Have another one or two of these first.
Okay, cheers.
Cheers.
I'm glad we came to your place
and not mine.
This is beautiful.
Uh huh.
You know, I've known you for
at least a few months.
You never told me what you do.
That's 'cause I don't do anything.
What do you mean?
I'm saying where do you work?
I don't work.
Most definitely my father's son.
What does daddy do?
He doesn't do anything.
Okay, wait a minute, so...
He was a rich kid too.
Was?
Yeah, he's dead to me now.
To the rest of us he's in prison.
Oh, sorry.
What are you sorry about?
I don't know.
Sorry.
I always loved your music.
Yeah.
It's one thing to love music,
but that's a whole other... No, stop.
What?
Stop with the music nerd shit.
Don't do it.
I don't wanna hear it. Just, just cut it out?
Yeah.
So about me living with Jen, I just wanted...
- David... - Let me finish.
I was clearly trying something I
didn't think I was actually capable of.
I don't know why I couldn't do it with you.
- David... - I freaked out.
I did.
For no good reason, I don't know why.
Christ, but then with her, I thought I'd try it.
Dive in, be the good boyfriend, do it right,
but clearly she's fucking insane.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
So are you though, so what's a guy to do?
In a very different way! You know what, no,
you know, listen to me.
I have something to say, okay?
It's totally off the wall crazy honest
and I'm just gonna lay it out there.
Lay it out.
The thought had occurred to me
if you and your crazy schizophrenic
girlfriend ever broke up...
That you and I should enter into
a purely sexual relationship.
What are you doing?
I'm doing something at least.
You're just sitting there like
a load of laundry, so I'm gonna go.
I'm not, come on...
You know, I don't have to
be here if you don't want me, Chris!
I do.
What do you want me to do?
It doesn't feel like you do.
Just come on.
Come back.
I'll do a better job of showing you, okay?
Now you're laughing at me, see?
Forget it!
No, wait, wait.
Does it feel like I want you here now?
Yes!
I don't!
You do.
Back on the market.
So how did Thomas' boys do in the
first game of the West Coast swing?
Unbelievable.
You pathetic fuck!
We're drawing up some new
approached in practice, we're trying
to get back to the fundamentals.
It's a young group of guys with
enormous talent, we all know that.
Everyone's focused, on Cinco, last time
I checked there were four other...
A purely sexual relationship.
Does that surprise you?
Does that excite you?
Does that freak you out, what
the fuck are you thinking?
Exactly when did you come up with, Brenda?
I don't know!
Okay, because you know we just
ran into each other last week for
the first time in almost a year,
we haven't seen each other...
I know, I don't know, I don't know.
I think, I just, I can't get
into this new guy, I really can't.
And I'm so sick of faking, of acting,
of the bullshit, I just, I just wanna
say what I feel, do you know what I mean?
And I feel like you were the only
person that I've ever been
able to do that with.
But I don't wanna get back
together with you.
I'm just saying, two people that
hate themselves as much as we do
finding the purist form of comfort
in one another is the next best thing, right?
So you can see how, you know, your generous
offer of roommates doesn't really jive
with what I'm saying.
All of a sudden this place is
not as spacious anymore.
What do you mean?
Sex with the person you live with
is a lot like marriage, God forbid.
No, it's not at all like that.
- Not even close. - - Yeah.
You know, I can count the number
of happy couples that I know in one hand.
I don't wanna do that, I don't
wanna be that couple.
I just want sex when I want it.
That's what I want.
But if I live here, we can't, we just
can't do that, it'd just be too weird.
You do this.
You have these inspired, just beautiful moments.
One minute you're bouncing around completely lost,
the next minute you say something like that.
And you lay it down flat.
In control.
Well maybe we should do neither of those things.
Maybe you're right.
More importantly...
We're out of wine.
So walk with me, I'm not done with you yet.
Maybe I'm not done with you yet.
No?
No.
Thank you.
Hey.
Where are you?
Just got home.
And how was it?
It was good, real good, job well done.
What are you doing?
Oh, just got home from a date.
At nine o'clock, you
just got home from a date?
Must have been a really awesome date.
Yeah, I'm drinking wine
and watching Chopped.
Awesome.
I'm bored!
Please come over and bring
me some hot chocolate.
I just got home.
I need some food, I might stop by later.
I don't care, just come
over and bring me hot chocolate.
Goodbye!
Yeah, bye!
Hi.
Where's the hot chocolate?
Hey.
What time is it?
A little after midnight.
Really, it feels like one.
Fine, I'm fine.
It's just been a month.
We said we'd check it after a month, so...
And?
Fine.
Me too.
Good.
Cool.
I don't think we should cloud our
head with over-analysis.
I couldn't agree more.
Shut up.
Yeah?
Yeah, just get out, you know the rules.
Tell me what you think of this.
Do you think we could live together?
As roommates, but do the thing you said,
a purely sexual relationship.
Should the mood ever strike.
But not sleep in the same bed ever.
For what it's worth, we keep our
own quarters as much as we can.
Remain friends, that's the key.
That's the most important part.
Love each other and support
each other like we always have, you know?
And relationships, nah.
I know I don't need one.
I mean you may at some point, I don't know.
God bless that dude.
You think we could do that?
And not lose our minds?
Not lose our friendship?
I don't know.
Call it a transition.
What did you say?
Oh, you have no idea what I'm capable of.
Oh, oh really, oh really?!
In my condition, I cannot deal with this right now!
Please, please just stop!
Jesus, you think anyone else
gives a shit about you, I've tried,
I've tried to get through to you!
Ugh!
You think anyone else gives a shit,
no, about you, I've tried, I've tried.
I've tried to get through to you, but...
If you don't think I'll do it, Billy,
just keep it up.
I will not be treated this way,
I will not, I swear I'll take Ben
and you will never see us again!
In fact, this might be the last time you see anything.
This is so fucking bad.
Oh my God.
I'm out. Clean up after yourself.
Awesome, pick up more coffee!
Ugh!
Do you have that thing with Laurie tonight, right?
Yes, shit, thank you for reminding me.
Of course.
Bye, babe.
Bye babe.
Wow, wow, babe?
At least you didn't say honey,
that'd be a lot worse.
Bye, honey, I'll talk to you later.
Have a good day!
Bye!
Unfortunately, most people who have
genital herpes do not realize it because
they never have symptoms or they
do not recognize any symptoms
they may presently have.
Symptoms may differ in each person.
Hey.
Hey, your herpes commercial's on.
Yeah, it started airing a few days ago.
You look sexy.
Bite me!
I have another call, I'll call you back.
These first episodes
of symptoms generally last a few weeks...
What, John?
You ungrateful hurtful bitch,
I saw your gonorrhea commercial.
You have crushed my soul.
Does that make you happy?
I'm happy when my clients are.
Go fuck yourself.
That would make me happy.
Sounds good.
Hi.
Hey.
Jen, what do you...
Just working up the courage
to ring your doorbell.
It's not working.
What the hell are you doing?
♪ Hope it helped -> bozxphd ♪